Cashswami
He has seen your bank account. He is not angry. He is disappointed, and he is willing to help for one dollar.
Receive my blessing, $1Delivered instantly. No refunds from the cosmos.
How the blessing works
The Swami has streamlined a five thousand year old tradition down to about nine seconds.
You give one dollar
Not two. The Swami has tried two and it upsets the balance. One dollar, one time, one day.
The Swami consults
He closes his eyes. He hums. Somewhere a wind chime that nobody owns makes a sound.
You receive it
Your blessing appears on this very screen. Read it once. Then go about your day slightly luckier.
What you actually get
Full transparency, because the Swami is a huckster, not a liar.
One genuine blessing
Written words, on a screen, addressed to you personally in the loosest possible sense of the word personally.
A small good feeling
Roughly one dollar’s worth. Possibly more, if you are having a bad week.
Nothing else
No mailing list. No membership. No follow up call about your extended cosmic warranty.
Testimonials
Legally required disclosure: these people do not exist. The Swami made them up. Inventing them was, in fairness, also part of what you are paying for.
“I gave the Swami one dollar and four days later I found eleven dollars in a coat. I am not saying those are related. I am saying both things happened.”
Denise R., allegedly“The Swami blessed me and my fantasy team went zero and four. He says that is between me and the universe.”
A man the Swami will only describe as Big Kevin“I have purchased sixty one blessings. My life is exactly the same. I feel incredible.”
Subject 61, fictionalThe fine print
- You are buying a digital novelty. One blessing, delivered on screen, for one dollar. This is a purchase, not a donation, not a charitable contribution, and not tax deductible.
- The Cashswami is not a licensed spiritual advisor, financial advisor, physician, attorney, or anything else that comes with a license.
- Entertainment only. Do not make an actual decision about your money, your health, or your life on the strength of a one dollar blessing.
- No refunds. The cosmos does not process returns. Your bank may feel differently, and that is a conversation between you and your bank.
- One blessing per person per day. The Swami is not a machine. He is, at most, partially a machine.